I'll be starting day 4 today of this new job, a Help Desk Manager at a medical software company. I won't mention the name here because they claim to be pretty diligent about web crawls and such, looking for posts of their name and advising you to at least write a disclaimer that your views are not theirs, blah, blah.... They claim to be pretty diligent about a lot of things. all listed in the employee handbook I had to read on day one. Everything from not using your phone except for emergencies, don't email people but call instead, how exactly to host a meeting, how many times per day to check your voicemail & text when you are off! Four tests followed to make sure I understood these proclaimations. But after three days there I've found it's a little more smoke and mirrors than strict policy. Especially since I failed the HIPAA test and they brought it back to me to retake...with my original, marked with all the correct answers. "Just need it for your file," the adminstrative assistant said, which I guess also has to at least appear diligent in its preparation.
All and all, it's OK so far. They are better in some respects, and they could use improvement in others. The most awkward part is seeing how much I have to learn. This software is very robust. It's used in ER departments so it houses intake information, triage, test orders, prescriptions, etc., all used live by doctors and nurses while working on patients. So there's not only a lot of software development I need to understand but hospital terminology and process also.
I hate this part... the first weeks and months of a job where you don't know anything, don't know the history of anything. I like to KNOW what I'm doing and want to be able to make decisions and join in on discussions and generally confirm I'm not an idiot. Many of you will not be surprised with my precious demeanor in these types of situations. I tend to observe and hold back a bit, taking it in and registering the information in a way that my mind will remember it for future reference (because, dear God, my memory seems to get worse every year). Therefore, you can imagine my face through all of this. Most likely, it is much the face I had in bars as I people-watched while my friend was off getting a drink. More than once I had some guy approach me and say, "Geez, smile already!" Hey, I get absorbed in what I'm doing and the face isn't mean, it's just.... intense.
Maybe I'm diligent too, so maybe I'll fit right in.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
This is every day now
I'm finally over my car lag (as opposed to jet lag) and been here two and a half days already. Feels like I've been here awhile, but then I'm completely comfortable at Tom's house. I'll be looking for my own place this week, and I may have something lined up already with one of my Florida crochet buddies (hey, I joined that group to make connections as much as to sit around yarning with a bunch of women). More on that as I figure it out. For now, I'm at Tom's houuse with him and Josh & Erin, his roommates. And Walter the dog and Tucker the cat. So yes, I've got a little bit of a cat fix here but don't even get me started on missing my cats (no, I didn't bring any - yet!).
The skies have been blue and sunny and the days have been about 80 since we got here. Matthew and I went to the beach yesterday, me donned in my bathing suit and flip flops, him in.... jeans. I guess it's been awhile since I took my son to the beach and I didn't know that he has little interest these days in getting in the water. Or wearing shorts apparently. Well, if they visit, I'll surely know it's to see me and not take advantage of the locale.
While driving about yesterday, Matthew said, "Wow, it's like a forget sometimes. You really live here now." "I know," I said, thinking about how it just feels like we're on a little vacation together and everything is normal. Not thinking about putting him on a plane tomorrow morning and not seeing him for months at a time. I tear up just thinking about it, and when I think about hugging Thomas goodbye in the living room of Mansion Road at 3:00am on Wednesday, him not letting go for those extra moments and me telling him as I felt it, just how much I'm going to miss him. Those words don't cover the feeling at all. My heart and soul ache with removing myself from a world where they are, even if it's just in passing through as they leave for work or joining me in the living room for an hour of TV, with barely a look or comment in passing sometimes. We really do squander so many moments in life.
But this isn't the wild west when people left home for adventure with a true chance of never returning. Where a letter home might take weeks, if it was ever received at all, and a parting look through teary eyes is all you had to remember of those faces you love most. I'll be back, and they'll be here - jeans and dark clothes and all - and it will be just and extension of what we already have.
The skies have been blue and sunny and the days have been about 80 since we got here. Matthew and I went to the beach yesterday, me donned in my bathing suit and flip flops, him in.... jeans. I guess it's been awhile since I took my son to the beach and I didn't know that he has little interest these days in getting in the water. Or wearing shorts apparently. Well, if they visit, I'll surely know it's to see me and not take advantage of the locale.
While driving about yesterday, Matthew said, "Wow, it's like a forget sometimes. You really live here now." "I know," I said, thinking about how it just feels like we're on a little vacation together and everything is normal. Not thinking about putting him on a plane tomorrow morning and not seeing him for months at a time. I tear up just thinking about it, and when I think about hugging Thomas goodbye in the living room of Mansion Road at 3:00am on Wednesday, him not letting go for those extra moments and me telling him as I felt it, just how much I'm going to miss him. Those words don't cover the feeling at all. My heart and soul ache with removing myself from a world where they are, even if it's just in passing through as they leave for work or joining me in the living room for an hour of TV, with barely a look or comment in passing sometimes. We really do squander so many moments in life.
But this isn't the wild west when people left home for adventure with a true chance of never returning. Where a letter home might take weeks, if it was ever received at all, and a parting look through teary eyes is all you had to remember of those faces you love most. I'll be back, and they'll be here - jeans and dark clothes and all - and it will be just and extension of what we already have.
Happy Birthday to me!
Well, this will be a birthday I surely won't forget. I don't think I would have anyway considering I'm 49 years old and can hardly believe I'm here, at THIS age already. But today I am also in my new home in Florida.
I live in Florida. Wow, I can really say that now. :-)
The drive was uneventful and relatively painless. Of course, I was heading TO Florida and a new life. I have to say, I get here and it truly feels like I belong. Every time I visited I felt so relaxed and like this is where I want to be, so I have no doubts about being here.
I live in Florida. Wow, I can really say that now. :-)
The drive was uneventful and relatively painless. Of course, I was heading TO Florida and a new life. I have to say, I get here and it truly feels like I belong. Every time I visited I felt so relaxed and like this is where I want to be, so I have no doubts about being here.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
On your mark, get set....
So here it is, T-6 hours until I really don't live here any more. In this house, in this state... with this weather. :-)
The car is SMOOSHED. It is amazing just how good a packer I am, but after so many moves you learn how to use every nook and cranny. I can always spot some free space and think "a ziploc bag of more yarn can squeeze in there!" I pray I haven't packed anything I need deep in the middle because it will be hell trying to take this jigsaw puzzle apart to get to it.
Matthew and I have audio books and music ready. We need to gather the snacks, get the EZpass, and walk through the house one last time reassuring myself there isn't anything else I need. And then we're off. No directions more complicated than just following I95 South until the weather gets warmer and warmer.
We're leaving at 3am, Wednesday, February 15. We're headed to Savannah, GA on the first day figuring on approximately a 12 hour drive. We'll finish out on my birthday! We'll be posting regularly on FB.
Signing off for the last time in Newport. :-)
The car is SMOOSHED. It is amazing just how good a packer I am, but after so many moves you learn how to use every nook and cranny. I can always spot some free space and think "a ziploc bag of more yarn can squeeze in there!" I pray I haven't packed anything I need deep in the middle because it will be hell trying to take this jigsaw puzzle apart to get to it.
Matthew and I have audio books and music ready. We need to gather the snacks, get the EZpass, and walk through the house one last time reassuring myself there isn't anything else I need. And then we're off. No directions more complicated than just following I95 South until the weather gets warmer and warmer.
We're leaving at 3am, Wednesday, February 15. We're headed to Savannah, GA on the first day figuring on approximately a 12 hour drive. We'll finish out on my birthday! We'll be posting regularly on FB.
Signing off for the last time in Newport. :-)
Monday, February 13, 2012
My Life Dissected, Part 2: PEOPLE
You know, Florida really isn't that far. It could be worse. I could really be going to a place requiring much more thought/effort/money to return from for visits, i.e., nourishment of the soul. I could be going someplace cold.
I have the trip down to a science at this point, and with the clothes and items I'm leaving behind it enables my packing requirements to drop from the incredible "it goes in a carryon or it doesn't go" to "have ID, boarding pass and crochet hook, will travel". I think complete time from door to door is 4-5hours. Completely doable for a weekend.
It is still tough to leave everyone. Sure, that's a given...an obvious statement that everyone would knowingly agree to with a slight head cock and "aww" look in their eyes. But when you really have to do it, leave everyone, you begin to realize how many people are really in your life day to day that you enjoyed or, at least, who brought some simple pleasure to you.
My kids, family and long time friends make the top of the list with little thought. But when they arrange their schedule to spend time with me repeatedly over several days before I go, I realize it's much like trying to fill up at a buffet. I want it all, but you can only have so much, and it still won't be enough. And worse, while they are with you it can seem so "filling", so gratifying and normal that you can wallow in the enjoyment of it as if it won't end. How do you actually look in their eyes one last time and get one final hug. How do you turn away and not know when you will feel the blessed energy of their presence that you now grasp is a part of what living your life is all about.
There are so many people - neighbors, colleagues, gym buddies, book club members, friends of friends and relatives through marriage - who have been mined over the years like nuggets of gold. You realize you've mustered a stockpile of happiness, humor, encouragement, sympathy, care and love from them, and you sink a little at the thought of having to start that all over somewhere else. You worry that you won't be able to duplicate it. Ever.
But duplicating it isn't exactly what I should set out to do, is it? The thing about friendship in any form, be it long or short term or even in passing, is that each connection is individual and significant on its own, not to be replaced and is always with you like a distinct taste you can conjur and enjoy in the very moment it floods back to you.
Friends aren't replaced, and their absence doesn't make them less touching to your soul. Thinking of all the people I encounter who in some way make me smile at heart and thinking of how I will miss them makes me realize how teeming my life is with goodness. I choose to not let that go just because it's not within my proximity.
Friendship doesn't diminish, and love has no edges, no thresholds. Life opens you up and offers a place for more.
I have the trip down to a science at this point, and with the clothes and items I'm leaving behind it enables my packing requirements to drop from the incredible "it goes in a carryon or it doesn't go" to "have ID, boarding pass and crochet hook, will travel". I think complete time from door to door is 4-5hours. Completely doable for a weekend.
It is still tough to leave everyone. Sure, that's a given...an obvious statement that everyone would knowingly agree to with a slight head cock and "aww" look in their eyes. But when you really have to do it, leave everyone, you begin to realize how many people are really in your life day to day that you enjoyed or, at least, who brought some simple pleasure to you.
My kids, family and long time friends make the top of the list with little thought. But when they arrange their schedule to spend time with me repeatedly over several days before I go, I realize it's much like trying to fill up at a buffet. I want it all, but you can only have so much, and it still won't be enough. And worse, while they are with you it can seem so "filling", so gratifying and normal that you can wallow in the enjoyment of it as if it won't end. How do you actually look in their eyes one last time and get one final hug. How do you turn away and not know when you will feel the blessed energy of their presence that you now grasp is a part of what living your life is all about.
There are so many people - neighbors, colleagues, gym buddies, book club members, friends of friends and relatives through marriage - who have been mined over the years like nuggets of gold. You realize you've mustered a stockpile of happiness, humor, encouragement, sympathy, care and love from them, and you sink a little at the thought of having to start that all over somewhere else. You worry that you won't be able to duplicate it. Ever.
But duplicating it isn't exactly what I should set out to do, is it? The thing about friendship in any form, be it long or short term or even in passing, is that each connection is individual and significant on its own, not to be replaced and is always with you like a distinct taste you can conjur and enjoy in the very moment it floods back to you.
Friends aren't replaced, and their absence doesn't make them less touching to your soul. Thinking of all the people I encounter who in some way make me smile at heart and thinking of how I will miss them makes me realize how teeming my life is with goodness. I choose to not let that go just because it's not within my proximity.
Friendship doesn't diminish, and love has no edges, no thresholds. Life opens you up and offers a place for more.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
My Life Dissected, Part 1: STUFF
What a week. Can I even say that? - what a few days is more like it. A frenetic, explosion of episodes exposing the real bones of my life.
And what exactly did it expose?....
Well, for one, I realize how much stuff I own. I mean really, HOW MUCH STUFF I OWN. Let me make note that this move to Florida will be the 21st time I've moved in my life. When you lug your shit around that many times you have been presented with an abundance of opportunities to purge. Hoarding Boxes, loading trucks, filling storage units, over and over and over again vs. just Letting Go makes, for me, and easy decision. Besides, you all know how sentimental I am.
As a woman, I guess no matter how much I thought I purged during each seasonal wardrobe transition, I still had enough clothes to make up seven bags for Goodwill. That's even after having bagged up a couple of sweaters and other warm clothing for the occassional cold front that will swing through Florida dropping the temperature to a mind-blowing sub-60 degrees (even now, I shudder at the thought), and then keeping a small stash here in Delaware for any weekend trips I may make back (and, who are we kidding...they WON'T be in cold weather!)
Shall we get into the number of shoes and (surprisingly) coats I had? OK, OK, I'm a "typical woman" in this arena, I guess. After boxing up 4 pairs of dress boots and approximately 20+ pairs of shoes (to add to the 5 pair I already have in FL) I think I gave almost that many away. I had given probably 10 pair to Goodwill and threw away the just-old-an-ugly ones back in December.
Coats? Did I know I had a coat obsession? Again, I gave 4 to Goodwill back in December, but I had 2 suede, 1 leather, 2 raincoats, 1 sherpa, 1 parka, 1 peacoat, 2 dress coats, 2 windbreakers, and 3 other types... ??? My God, really???
I gave myself this little instruction while deciding what personal items to bring - walk through each room and whatever you see that makes you instantly say, "YES, I want that", grab. If you have to think about it for even 2 seconds, pass it by. You know how many items I ended up with: Six. It's amazing to discover what's really important to me.
So, tomorrow I attempt to get it all in the car with the only furniture I will bring (my makeup table and a jewelry armoire), four space-bags of yarn (I need to make all the clothes that I've now given away - HA!), 1 small box of books, my important papers and a external hard drive of computer data that covers everything from emails to photos. And off I go....
It actually feels good to be so self-contained.
And what exactly did it expose?....
Well, for one, I realize how much stuff I own. I mean really, HOW MUCH STUFF I OWN. Let me make note that this move to Florida will be the 21st time I've moved in my life. When you lug your shit around that many times you have been presented with an abundance of opportunities to purge. Hoarding Boxes, loading trucks, filling storage units, over and over and over again vs. just Letting Go makes, for me, and easy decision. Besides, you all know how sentimental I am.
As a woman, I guess no matter how much I thought I purged during each seasonal wardrobe transition, I still had enough clothes to make up seven bags for Goodwill. That's even after having bagged up a couple of sweaters and other warm clothing for the occassional cold front that will swing through Florida dropping the temperature to a mind-blowing sub-60 degrees (even now, I shudder at the thought), and then keeping a small stash here in Delaware for any weekend trips I may make back (and, who are we kidding...they WON'T be in cold weather!)
Shall we get into the number of shoes and (surprisingly) coats I had? OK, OK, I'm a "typical woman" in this arena, I guess. After boxing up 4 pairs of dress boots and approximately 20+ pairs of shoes (to add to the 5 pair I already have in FL) I think I gave almost that many away. I had given probably 10 pair to Goodwill and threw away the just-old-an-ugly ones back in December.
Coats? Did I know I had a coat obsession? Again, I gave 4 to Goodwill back in December, but I had 2 suede, 1 leather, 2 raincoats, 1 sherpa, 1 parka, 1 peacoat, 2 dress coats, 2 windbreakers, and 3 other types... ??? My God, really???
I gave myself this little instruction while deciding what personal items to bring - walk through each room and whatever you see that makes you instantly say, "YES, I want that", grab. If you have to think about it for even 2 seconds, pass it by. You know how many items I ended up with: Six. It's amazing to discover what's really important to me.
So, tomorrow I attempt to get it all in the car with the only furniture I will bring (my makeup table and a jewelry armoire), four space-bags of yarn (I need to make all the clothes that I've now given away - HA!), 1 small box of books, my important papers and a external hard drive of computer data that covers everything from emails to photos. And off I go....
It actually feels good to be so self-contained.
Friday, February 10, 2012
A New Start
So I'm going to try to keep this blog thing up because with moving and all, well, why tell the same story five dozen times. I'm already getting confused about who I told what to. (And NO, that's not age, it's this stressful time!)
A new start to things, on so many freakin' levels! Isn't this what we dream of? Isn't it what I've dreamt of over the last couple of years? Hell. Yeah. Hey, for anyone reading this who has known me for any length of time you will know that I've been through the ringer as far as jobs and dating has been concerned. And yes, that IS and understatement. Lord knows that was all HELL, so the last five years admittedly have been blissfully and boringly stable.
Uhhh...yeaaahh... that doesn't work for me.
So honest to God, about 18 months ago I said, "That's it. I know what I deserve. I deserve to be in a great relationship. Enough of this bullshit. Send him to me now." And you know what? He arrived.
And then I said, "I deserve to work at a company who appreciates everything I am, where I can excel and feel like I'm accomplishing something. And make it someplace warm!" And voila.
OK, so I oversimplify, but I'm really not kidding. Whether it's The Power of Now or The Law of Attraction or whatever the hell some guru claims works, I'll be damned if it didn't. Of course, I should have asked for money, but hey, I'm still perfecting the process.
So I've been packing, which hasn't been too difficult. I mean, sentimental me, you know, always keeping stuff. NOT! I've been throwing shit out and making trips to Goodwill for months in preparation for this. I've been purging for a week as I space-bag my belongings and look at everything with a newly minted, "did I ever really even need that?" attitude. Damn uplifting, I'll tell you.
I'm headed to my new home in Florida on Wednesday, February 15 with plans to arrive.... yes, on my birthday. Happy Birthday to you, Sherri (she writes with a combination of astonishment and smugness). You've got to make this life your own and, as always, I will.
A new start to things, on so many freakin' levels! Isn't this what we dream of? Isn't it what I've dreamt of over the last couple of years? Hell. Yeah. Hey, for anyone reading this who has known me for any length of time you will know that I've been through the ringer as far as jobs and dating has been concerned. And yes, that IS and understatement. Lord knows that was all HELL, so the last five years admittedly have been blissfully and boringly stable.
Uhhh...yeaaahh... that doesn't work for me.
So honest to God, about 18 months ago I said, "That's it. I know what I deserve. I deserve to be in a great relationship. Enough of this bullshit. Send him to me now." And you know what? He arrived.
And then I said, "I deserve to work at a company who appreciates everything I am, where I can excel and feel like I'm accomplishing something. And make it someplace warm!" And voila.
OK, so I oversimplify, but I'm really not kidding. Whether it's The Power of Now or The Law of Attraction or whatever the hell some guru claims works, I'll be damned if it didn't. Of course, I should have asked for money, but hey, I'm still perfecting the process.
So I've been packing, which hasn't been too difficult. I mean, sentimental me, you know, always keeping stuff. NOT! I've been throwing shit out and making trips to Goodwill for months in preparation for this. I've been purging for a week as I space-bag my belongings and look at everything with a newly minted, "did I ever really even need that?" attitude. Damn uplifting, I'll tell you.
I'm headed to my new home in Florida on Wednesday, February 15 with plans to arrive.... yes, on my birthday. Happy Birthday to you, Sherri (she writes with a combination of astonishment and smugness). You've got to make this life your own and, as always, I will.
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