I'm finally over my car lag (as opposed to jet lag) and been here two and a half days already. Feels like I've been here awhile, but then I'm completely comfortable at Tom's house. I'll be looking for my own place this week, and I may have something lined up already with one of my Florida crochet buddies (hey, I joined that group to make connections as much as to sit around yarning with a bunch of women). More on that as I figure it out. For now, I'm at Tom's houuse with him and Josh & Erin, his roommates. And Walter the dog and Tucker the cat. So yes, I've got a little bit of a cat fix here but don't even get me started on missing my cats (no, I didn't bring any - yet!).
The skies have been blue and sunny and the days have been about 80 since we got here. Matthew and I went to the beach yesterday, me donned in my bathing suit and flip flops, him in.... jeans. I guess it's been awhile since I took my son to the beach and I didn't know that he has little interest these days in getting in the water. Or wearing shorts apparently. Well, if they visit, I'll surely know it's to see me and not take advantage of the locale.
While driving about yesterday, Matthew said, "Wow, it's like a forget sometimes. You really live here now." "I know," I said, thinking about how it just feels like we're on a little vacation together and everything is normal. Not thinking about putting him on a plane tomorrow morning and not seeing him for months at a time. I tear up just thinking about it, and when I think about hugging Thomas goodbye in the living room of Mansion Road at 3:00am on Wednesday, him not letting go for those extra moments and me telling him as I felt it, just how much I'm going to miss him. Those words don't cover the feeling at all. My heart and soul ache with removing myself from a world where they are, even if it's just in passing through as they leave for work or joining me in the living room for an hour of TV, with barely a look or comment in passing sometimes. We really do squander so many moments in life.
But this isn't the wild west when people left home for adventure with a true chance of never returning. Where a letter home might take weeks, if it was ever received at all, and a parting look through teary eyes is all you had to remember of those faces you love most. I'll be back, and they'll be here - jeans and dark clothes and all - and it will be just and extension of what we already have.
Showing posts with label leaving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label leaving. Show all posts
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
On your mark, get set....
So here it is, T-6 hours until I really don't live here any more. In this house, in this state... with this weather. :-)
The car is SMOOSHED. It is amazing just how good a packer I am, but after so many moves you learn how to use every nook and cranny. I can always spot some free space and think "a ziploc bag of more yarn can squeeze in there!" I pray I haven't packed anything I need deep in the middle because it will be hell trying to take this jigsaw puzzle apart to get to it.
Matthew and I have audio books and music ready. We need to gather the snacks, get the EZpass, and walk through the house one last time reassuring myself there isn't anything else I need. And then we're off. No directions more complicated than just following I95 South until the weather gets warmer and warmer.
We're leaving at 3am, Wednesday, February 15. We're headed to Savannah, GA on the first day figuring on approximately a 12 hour drive. We'll finish out on my birthday! We'll be posting regularly on FB.
Signing off for the last time in Newport. :-)
The car is SMOOSHED. It is amazing just how good a packer I am, but after so many moves you learn how to use every nook and cranny. I can always spot some free space and think "a ziploc bag of more yarn can squeeze in there!" I pray I haven't packed anything I need deep in the middle because it will be hell trying to take this jigsaw puzzle apart to get to it.
Matthew and I have audio books and music ready. We need to gather the snacks, get the EZpass, and walk through the house one last time reassuring myself there isn't anything else I need. And then we're off. No directions more complicated than just following I95 South until the weather gets warmer and warmer.
We're leaving at 3am, Wednesday, February 15. We're headed to Savannah, GA on the first day figuring on approximately a 12 hour drive. We'll finish out on my birthday! We'll be posting regularly on FB.
Signing off for the last time in Newport. :-)
Monday, February 13, 2012
My Life Dissected, Part 2: PEOPLE
You know, Florida really isn't that far. It could be worse. I could really be going to a place requiring much more thought/effort/money to return from for visits, i.e., nourishment of the soul. I could be going someplace cold.
I have the trip down to a science at this point, and with the clothes and items I'm leaving behind it enables my packing requirements to drop from the incredible "it goes in a carryon or it doesn't go" to "have ID, boarding pass and crochet hook, will travel". I think complete time from door to door is 4-5hours. Completely doable for a weekend.
It is still tough to leave everyone. Sure, that's a given...an obvious statement that everyone would knowingly agree to with a slight head cock and "aww" look in their eyes. But when you really have to do it, leave everyone, you begin to realize how many people are really in your life day to day that you enjoyed or, at least, who brought some simple pleasure to you.
My kids, family and long time friends make the top of the list with little thought. But when they arrange their schedule to spend time with me repeatedly over several days before I go, I realize it's much like trying to fill up at a buffet. I want it all, but you can only have so much, and it still won't be enough. And worse, while they are with you it can seem so "filling", so gratifying and normal that you can wallow in the enjoyment of it as if it won't end. How do you actually look in their eyes one last time and get one final hug. How do you turn away and not know when you will feel the blessed energy of their presence that you now grasp is a part of what living your life is all about.
There are so many people - neighbors, colleagues, gym buddies, book club members, friends of friends and relatives through marriage - who have been mined over the years like nuggets of gold. You realize you've mustered a stockpile of happiness, humor, encouragement, sympathy, care and love from them, and you sink a little at the thought of having to start that all over somewhere else. You worry that you won't be able to duplicate it. Ever.
But duplicating it isn't exactly what I should set out to do, is it? The thing about friendship in any form, be it long or short term or even in passing, is that each connection is individual and significant on its own, not to be replaced and is always with you like a distinct taste you can conjur and enjoy in the very moment it floods back to you.
Friends aren't replaced, and their absence doesn't make them less touching to your soul. Thinking of all the people I encounter who in some way make me smile at heart and thinking of how I will miss them makes me realize how teeming my life is with goodness. I choose to not let that go just because it's not within my proximity.
Friendship doesn't diminish, and love has no edges, no thresholds. Life opens you up and offers a place for more.
I have the trip down to a science at this point, and with the clothes and items I'm leaving behind it enables my packing requirements to drop from the incredible "it goes in a carryon or it doesn't go" to "have ID, boarding pass and crochet hook, will travel". I think complete time from door to door is 4-5hours. Completely doable for a weekend.
It is still tough to leave everyone. Sure, that's a given...an obvious statement that everyone would knowingly agree to with a slight head cock and "aww" look in their eyes. But when you really have to do it, leave everyone, you begin to realize how many people are really in your life day to day that you enjoyed or, at least, who brought some simple pleasure to you.
My kids, family and long time friends make the top of the list with little thought. But when they arrange their schedule to spend time with me repeatedly over several days before I go, I realize it's much like trying to fill up at a buffet. I want it all, but you can only have so much, and it still won't be enough. And worse, while they are with you it can seem so "filling", so gratifying and normal that you can wallow in the enjoyment of it as if it won't end. How do you actually look in their eyes one last time and get one final hug. How do you turn away and not know when you will feel the blessed energy of their presence that you now grasp is a part of what living your life is all about.
There are so many people - neighbors, colleagues, gym buddies, book club members, friends of friends and relatives through marriage - who have been mined over the years like nuggets of gold. You realize you've mustered a stockpile of happiness, humor, encouragement, sympathy, care and love from them, and you sink a little at the thought of having to start that all over somewhere else. You worry that you won't be able to duplicate it. Ever.
But duplicating it isn't exactly what I should set out to do, is it? The thing about friendship in any form, be it long or short term or even in passing, is that each connection is individual and significant on its own, not to be replaced and is always with you like a distinct taste you can conjur and enjoy in the very moment it floods back to you.
Friends aren't replaced, and their absence doesn't make them less touching to your soul. Thinking of all the people I encounter who in some way make me smile at heart and thinking of how I will miss them makes me realize how teeming my life is with goodness. I choose to not let that go just because it's not within my proximity.
Friendship doesn't diminish, and love has no edges, no thresholds. Life opens you up and offers a place for more.
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